dedication

"wish I was as dedicated as you..."

"Yeah, well, I dunno...the things that motivate me, um, fitting in my clothes, being healthy and sexy...and being ready to throw down if I have too..."

"like you would ever have to do that!"

"you never know--one should be ready for anything." ;)

Had a nice conversation about it all.

After, "Do we need to talk about this?"

there were a few signs, I suppose...

Me wanting to kill, my weepiness over the smallest things, my fierce desire to get fit, my inquiry about birthdays, or my blogs?

YUP--a few clues.

Feel better, now.

Still don't like it, but the warning has been given.

"I understand moreso than anyone the depth of your relationship with her, and I know you like chatting with her. And I don't think you realize the amount of influence she has over you. I also trust you, but, I don't think any guy given a certain set of circumstances who finds himself caught in a situation would be able to resist, and I know she would be willing to get you there. The trouble is, once she had you, she would simply drop you again, and leave you once again. If anything happens, I don't care what the situation looked like, was, whatever, I will walk away and never come back, understand that. I have been cheated on by every man I have ever been with. I don't have the ability to react any other way."

I told my bff, "I am tempted to tell him, 'just act like you like her again, so she will go away.'"

I did say it...can't resist anymore the ability to be heard.

I was listened to, and I appreciated that sooo much. I hope all goes well from here forward. I was promised we wouldn't go to the party even if invited. That was somewhat of a relief.

I was glad to get to say too the "what if I were counselling, visiting, chatting?"

"I only stopped by that once..."

I guess I did keep from showing my annoyance with that pretty well. He didn't realize that at all.

He didn't realize I had cried quietly into my pillow over it several times. That bothered him the most, that I didn't show I was upset, or talk about it.

I explained, "I have to sort it all out first. That is why I blog. I don't want to react to emotion and just be some crazy nagging girl. I have to work it through logically, and then talk about it when I can stay calm and talk without raising my voice, or bursting into tears."

PLEASE let this all settle and be laid to rest, please...